Everything You Always Wanted To Know About Acting (But Were Afraid To Ask, Dear) by West End Producer

Author:West End Producer
Language: eng
Format: epub
Publisher: Nick Hern Books
Published: 2013-11-21T00:00:00+00:00

The sun has got his hat on, hip hip hip hooray. But we can’t get a suntan as we’ve got a matinee.

Press Night

‘For me, the press night is like climaxing after weeks of gentle intercourse. Auditions are when I partake in some light foreplay with potential lovers. Rehearsals are when I make gentle love to everyone in the company as I get to know them all. And the press night is when I climax. Then I light a fag, relax and fall asleep.’ An anonymous director

Press nights are remarkable affairs. They are what the actors and production team have been working towards for the whole of the rehearsal period, and with them comes immense pressure – they are the one night when it is essential not to fuck it up.

The smooth running of a press night is usually handled by a PR company, who will have been employed months in advance to help with the whole marketing aspect of the show. They will be in charge of media, interviews, press, invitations, posters, images, social media, websites and John Barrowman’s teeth.

It is absolutely vital that actors learn their lines by press night. There is nothing worse than hearing an actor shout ‘Line’ in front of all the critics and invited peers. It is such a fundamental mistake, and one which is often forgotten by some of our leading actors. It is not acceptable. Particularly when they’ve had the whole of the preview period to learn them.

Because of all the extra excitement on press nights, actors often overcompensate. I have seen actors down large amounts of Red Bull before heading on stage – which has caused them to tremble throughout their entire performance. This is how the actor playing Alfie, the old waiter in One Man, Two Guvnors, perfected his shaking. It was nothing to do with physical practice, it was just Red Bull shakes, dear.

It is extremely important that you look good during the curtain call on press night. Recently there has been a trend for photographers to take photos during it, and the following day you don’t want your sweaty, rouge-smudged face appearing all over the internet. It is advisable to double-, triple- and quadruple-check before gliding onto the stage for your applause. Also, at the party there will be lots of press and photographers vying for your attention, desperate to get a marvellous shot – again making it essential you look immaculate. But as well as looking good it is wise to make sure you stand out. I suggest ladies wear a revealing dress or stylish onesie. And gents wear a tight suit that elegantly shows off their package.

The greatest moment about the press night is, of course, the party. These are usually lavish affairs that take place in wonderfully expensive locations where wine and beer is free-flowing and the nibbles are expensively inedible (unless you are doing a small-scale tour – where the party will be a pint of lager and bag of nuts in Wetherspoon’s).

In honesty, I much prefer going to other people’s press-night parties than my own.

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